She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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