We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
