just come out here and I will go home with you...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
