You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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