Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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