Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
