Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.