By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
