I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
