On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
