I have demons in me.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
