My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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