Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
