things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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