We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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