Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
