If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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