Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
