Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
