based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
