Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
