oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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