She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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