Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
