she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
