you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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