Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
soo... how was my night?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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