If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
