when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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