I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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