Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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