I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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