if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
