In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
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Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?