Who wears a wallet chain?!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.