Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(779): View more from Illinois

Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.

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(779): Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me. http://tfl.nu/6ngm

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(410): View more from Maryland

I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?

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(410): I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this? http://tfl.nu/lrwi

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(949): View more from California

Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s

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(949): Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s http://tfl.nu/wt0n

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(404): View more from Georgia

he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?

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(404): he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again? http://tfl.nu/cny9

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(815): View more from Illinois

Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.

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(815): Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me. http://tfl.nu/oi7v

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(831): View more from California

i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila

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(831): i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila http://tfl.nu/efvv

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(352): View more from Florida

You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.

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(352): You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time. http://tfl.nu/k82l

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(865): View more from Tennessee

She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.

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(865): She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise. http://tfl.nu/2xsu

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.

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(505): Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got. http://tfl.nu/7wlw

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(540): View more from Virginia

Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"

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(540): Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home" http://tfl.nu/xfn6

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(303): View more from Colorado

I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.

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(303): I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes. http://tfl.nu/8g0z

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(859): View more from Kentucky

The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers

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(859): The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers http://tfl.nu/vamg

Replies (0) Good night (1554) Bad night (181)
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(904): View more from Florida

But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?

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(904): But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore? http://tfl.nu/czg8

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(813): View more from Florida

Thats alot of pressure.

(1-813): View more from Florida

Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.

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(813): Thats alot of pressure. (1-813): Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house. http://tfl.nu/tdoy

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(406): View more from Montana

We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.

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(406): We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right. http://tfl.nu/ritk

Replies (5) Good night (1612) Bad night (150)

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