Texts From Last Night

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  (906): View more from Michigan

  And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink

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  (906): And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink http://tfl.nu/999y
  Replies (2) Good night (824) Bad night (986)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night

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  (248): I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night http://tfl.nu/pm2y
  Replies (5) Good night (1195) Bad night (611)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

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  (202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me. http://tfl.nu/uo6c
  Replies (111) Good night (2532) Bad night (36267)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.

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  (215): I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume. http://tfl.nu/pw0v
  Replies (19) Good night (1421) Bad night (3959)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger

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  (717): He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger http://tfl.nu/u6xr
  Replies (22) Good night (1441) Bad night (5084)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.

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  (630): I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive. http://tfl.nu/za3k
  Replies (7) Good night (3279) Bad night (1301)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine

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  (443): like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine http://tfl.nu/b7i2
  Replies (2) Good night (2808) Bad night (814)
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  (925): View more from California

  She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.

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  (925): She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard. http://tfl.nu/tszy
  Replies (17) Good night (4411) Bad night (996)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.

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  (519): It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well. http://tfl.nu/djcp
  Replies (14) Good night (1296) Bad night (3268)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.

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  (402): I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign. http://tfl.nu/14vr
  Replies (1) Good night (1869) Bad night (806)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.

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  (607): I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight. http://tfl.nu/mq74
  Replies (14) Good night (2388) Bad night (488)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the manischevitz sangria was a big hit

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  (202): the manischevitz sangria was a big hit http://tfl.nu/msd0
  Replies (3) Good night (441) Bad night (287)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.

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  (312): Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it. http://tfl.nu/okpd
  Replies (5) Good night (560) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.

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  (407): I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter. http://tfl.nu/s90t
  Replies (1) Good night (382) Bad night (278)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT

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  (727): man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT http://tfl.nu/gnnh
  Replies (0) Good night (336) Bad night (285)

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