I think im going to throw up on grandma
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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