3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
