Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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