I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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