Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
