a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
