oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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