forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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