Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
