I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
