You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
