Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
