I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think i got beer on your cat.
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