these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
