im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
my liver is dry heaving
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
