i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh god it's open bar.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
