I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
