sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
