Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
