its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
