guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
