So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
