there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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