he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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