The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
