I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much