It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
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only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful