I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it