i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
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He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
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There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I made him laugh his dick is mine