so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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