If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she told me i tasted like america
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
