You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
