it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
