Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
