atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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