I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You are the jesus of drinking
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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