dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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