God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
