Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
