using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
