is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
