I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I checked into jail on foursquare
Houston, we have a squirter
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
