I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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