I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
